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I wrote a novel

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Post OsricPearl on Mon 25 Jun - 2:41

@Neon Knight wrote:^ I will do that.

What are the main influences on your writing and what are your favourite novels?

Thanks! Very Happy

I like a lot of fantasy, science fiction, and the classics. I think my favorite novels are the LOtR series, and the Children of Hurin also by JJR, the Neverending Story, and the Chronicles of Narnia. I recently read the Hornblower series, which was great because I like nautical stories as well, and they really influenced my story.

I hope you don't think that the main character is too weak. I got a negative review about that. But I think that he wouldn't be strong because he is young and was sheltered all of his life.
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Post Neon Knight on Thu 28 Jun - 14:18

I hadn't realised the whole novel was on the website, I thought there were just five chapters. So far, I don't have any major criticisms, but a few minor ones. I do want to continue with it but I'm not always in the mood for reading fiction so it'll take me a while to finish.

So far, the story has got a fair amount of humour in it and is quite low-drama in tone. Was that your intention?




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Post OsricPearl on Thu 28 Jun - 22:09

@Neon Knight wrote:I hadn't realised the whole novel was on the website, I thought there were just five chapters. So far, I don't have any major criticisms, but a few minor ones. I do want to continue with it but I'm not always in the mood for reading fiction so it'll take me a while to finish.

So far, the story has got a fair amount of humour in it and is quite low-drama in tone. Was that your intention?

yes, at first. It doesn't change in tone until chapter 6 or 7. It still has some humor but it becomes heavy. It is supposed to be jarring, because everything is from the perspective of the main character, who is young and naive and doesn't know much of the ways of the world.
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Post OsricPearl on Thu 19 Jul - 3:32

I'm taking down the book. I have gotten two negative reviews so far, so there is little reason for me to keep it up since there is little chance that it will attract any new readers. It's OK. I understand that it is my first book. I will try again.
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Post Neon Knight on Thu 19 Jul - 7:50

Are you sure? Two reviews is not a lot to go off. Do you want to see the notes I've made on what I've read so far?

And you could revise the story instead of doing a new one.


Last edited by Neon Knight on Thu 19 Jul - 22:00; edited 1 time in total




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Post Jehan I on Thu 19 Jul - 17:22

@OsricPearl wrote:I'm taking down the book. I have gotten two negative reviews so far, so there is little reason for me to keep it up since there is little chance that it will attract any new readers. It's OK. I understand that it is my first book. I will try again.

Before ending on library, writters rewritte their story hundred of times.
I don't know if you did that or not.
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Post OsricPearl on Thu 19 Jul - 18:54

@Neon Knight wrote:Are you sure? Two reviews is not a lot to go off. Do you want to see the notes I've made on what I've read so far?

And you could revise the story instead of doing a new one.

Well, if you've already done all that work, I'll just wait until you're done. I don't your work to be in vain. -_-'  I'll read over your notes and learn from them. But, after two bad reviews, I can't see the purpose of keeping a story up that no one will read. Even with revisions, it will still have those negative reviews attached to them. It's hard to overcome.

I am to write something in another genre entirely, one that has a broader appeal and that I'm more interested in now that I'm older.
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Post Neon Knight on Thu 19 Jul - 22:07

@OsricPearl wrote:
@Neon Knight wrote:Are you sure? Two reviews is not a lot to go off. Do you want to see the notes I've made on what I've read so far?

And you could revise the story instead of doing a new one.

Well, if you've already done all that work, I'll just wait until you're done. I don't your work to be in vain. -_-'  I'll read over your notes and learn from them. But, after two bad reviews, I can't see the purpose of keeping a story up that no one will read. Even with revisions, it will still have those negative reviews attached to them. It's hard to overcome.

I am to write something in another genre entirely, one that has a broader appeal and that I'm more interested in now that I'm older.

I'll PM the observations I made to you. Like Jehan said, re-writes are a normal part of the process, although I generally revise as I go along, skipping back to something when I think of a way to improve it. You could always put a revised version onto another website or send it out to publishers/agents.




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Post Neon Knight on Sat 17 Aug - 16:43

@Sary wrote:Unfortunately,I am not much of a writer, but it do like to read.
You know,NK....you  could  post your script here.

I am sure that we would all enjoy it !

This is the beginning of it:


DAY - SYRIA, THE RUINS OF ANCIENT PALMYRA
The sun beats down on a team of archaeologists working in a section of the ruins.

In a trench, Kamal, a senior archaeologist, is measuring a rectangular recess in one side of the trench wall of hard-baked earth. He puts away his tape and makes some notes on a small pad. Hot and tired, he leans back and takes a heavy breath. Then he turns to look along the trench and calls out:

KAMAL: Okay, you can take a break now.

From a section of the trench roofed by a slab, two students appear - a young man and woman. They casually discard their tools, climb out of the trench and wander off. Kamal, a little suspicious, watches the students go then moves towards the place they were working.

KAMAL: (to himself) Let's see how much damage you've done...

Kamal uses a trowel to complete the excavation of another recess in the wall. He then steps along while tapping the wall and stops when he hears a lower tone at a particular spot; here he starts digging away the dried earth.

KAMAL: How could they have missed this?

After a few moments there is a 'clink' as Kamal's trowel hits something made of glass. He pauses in surprise then continues digging with increased enthusiasm. As the earth is removed, a large, stoppered jar is revealed sitting in the recess, its surface still coated with dirt and dust.

KAMAL: Excellent.

Kamal carefully takes hold of the heavy jar and places it on the floor. He takes a water bottle from his belt and begins cleaning the glass. When some of the dirt is washed away, a strange, orangey-red glow is seen emanating from within. As he cleans away more of the dirt, the glow from the jar increases, lighting his face. With a fascination turning to incredulity then fear he beholds the contents of the jar.

KAMAL: What in God's name...




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Post OsricPearl on Sun 18 Aug - 1:33

Is your script in the mystical/archaeology genre or is it sci-fi?




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Post Neon Knight on Sun 18 Aug - 9:07

@OsricPearl wrote:Is your script in the mystical/archaeology genre or is it sci-fi?
The only archaeology bit is that beginning. I call it a supernatural thriller. It's like a modern version of a Dennis Wheatley black magic story, especially Strange Conflict (1941):

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3008660-strange-conflict-duke-de-richleau-9





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Post OsricPearl on Tue 20 Aug - 15:03

I'm not familiar with that story. You should publish it somewhere so I can read it and review. I know that getting any serious attention to scripts nowadays is almost impossible. Sad Blue




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Post Neon Knight on Wed 28 Aug - 21:41

@OsricPearl wrote:I'm not familiar with that story. You should publish it somewhere so I can read it and review. I know that getting any serious attention to scripts nowadays is almost impossible. Sad Blue
Like you with your novel, I've lost some faith in that script now. I still think it's a pretty good story, but to novelise it I'd have to go through and adjust the style of it quite a lot. Maybe I'll do that in future, but next I want to focus on my actual novel story which is potentially more commercial. Anyway, here is bit more of the script, where the main character has an out-of-body experience:


MEN'S LOCKER ROOM
The college soccer team are changing into their kits while indulging in nervous chit-chat. Carl is sat putting on his boots. Greg is bouncing a ball and playing keep-up with it on his knee.

CARL: Don't waste your energy, Greg.

GREG: Not wasting...channelling.

Another boy speaks up:

SLATER: I heard McGreevy's playing, Jackson - he'll be after choppin' you down again.

CARL: He's not gonna catch me this time.

Carl finishes tying his laces. Greg holds the ball still and faces Carl.

GREG: Carl... Reflex test:

Greg makes several feigned throws of the ball at Carl, trying to catch him out, then actually throws it. Carl hits the ball side-on with his foot, volleying it towards the doorway just as the coach walks in, the ball smacking him in the face. Silence... Greg stifles a laugh but Carl is sorely embarrassed.

CARL: Sorry, Sir.

Coach picks up the ball and studies it.

COACH: Now, what did I come in here to tell you? ...Ah, yes: (looks up) Jackson, you'll be starting on the subs' bench. (looks around) Stockley, you'll take Jackson's position up front.

Stockley is a somewhat chubby young man.

COACH: Hurry up and get out there now, no more messin' around.

Coach exits, taking the ball with him.

GREG: (to Carl) Sorry, man... then he bursts out laughing. Carl sighs.

COLLEGE SPORTS FIELD, SOCCER PITCH
With cheerleaders in chant and motion, the game is well under way. The home team (Carl's team, though he is not yet on the pitch) is attacking: Greg passes to Stockley, giving him a good chance to score but he puts it wide.

Sat on the bench is the Coach with Carl and two other substitutes. Coach gets up and makes for the touch-line with two number boards. He holds one up - it is Stockley's number... The boy jogs over to leave the game. As he does so, Coach turns round to Carl.

COACH: Okay, superstar, enough time in purgatory, go and do your stuff.

Carl's face lights up and he jumps to it, slapping hands with Stockley as he runs onto the pitch to replace him. Coach holds up Carl's number then retreats to the bench.

Greg greets Carl enthusiastically and gives him a brief tactical instruction. The opposing goal keeper takes a goal kick, sending the ball deep into the home team's half. Carl waits in midfield for some service and McGreevy, a thuggish looking skinhead, comes to mark him.

McGREEVY: Remember me?

Carl ignores him. The home team mount another attack. Carl races for the ball and gets it. McGreevy lunges in with a clumsy sliding tackle which Carl deftly avoids by jumping over. He then plays a one-two with Slater and rattles off a shot which the goal keeper knocks behind for a corner kick. Greg goes to place the ball for the kick and Carl gives McGreevy a cheeky wink as the defender gets up from the ground and responds with a punch-palm threatening gesture.

Greg steps back to take the corner and motions to Carl who moves to the near-post; McGreevy shadows him. The ball floats in towards Carl who jumps to head it - but McGreevy has jumped half a second earlier and strikes him viciously with an elbow to the head. Carl falls, also banging his head against the post as he does so. Lying on the ground, face-up, Carl is out cold.

The referee blows his whistle and half the home team crowd vengefully around McGreevy. Greg comes running over to Carl, tries to wake him but fails then calls to the side-line for a stretcher.
Coach is up from the bench and on the edge of the pitch, busting a blood vessel with protesting. Two stretcher-bearers and a medic scamper past him towards the injured Carl...

Carl's eyes remain closed but, somehow, he sees and hears: the sky above, then a concerned-looking Greg leaning over and the sound of the commotion around him. Carl seems to rise, up and forward, as if pivoting on his heels. He then glides forwards in a straight line for a few yards and comes to a halt.

There are two Carls - the one lying on the ground, and his astral body where his consciousness now resides. This Astral Carl is a blue monochrome double (including clothing) of Physical Carl. Connecting the two Carls at waist level is a silvery, semi-transparent, elastic ribbon - the silver cord.

Moving quite normally, Astral Carl turns around and sees his own body lying there and the activity that is going on (the Referee is now ordering McGreevy off the field); he is perplexed. Physical Carl is lifted onto the stretcher. Astral Carl takes a few steps forward and calls out.

ASTRAL CARL: Hey... Greg...

No one can hear him, or see him.

Physical Carl is carried off the side of the pitch, the silver cord stretching easily to accommodate the increased distance between his two selves. The Medic attends to him, overseen by Coach.

Astral Carl observes the Medic's attempts to bring him round. Suddenly he is moving forward speedily towards his physical body...looking down on his-self... Blackout. Carl's spooky experience is over - he is one with his body again. Blurrily, Carl sees the Medic in his face. He is hearing normally and, after a few seconds, his vision clears too. Coach comes into view.

COACH: Jackson, you allright?

With the Medic's help, Carl sits up.

CARL: Whoa.

MEDIC: How are you feeling, son?

CARL: ...Err... Okay, I think. (touches the side of his head) Did I go into the post?

COACH: Yeah, with a little help from McGreevy.    

Carl is not yet completely lucid, his experience not fully realized.

CARL: McGreevy...yeah, I saw the ref send him off.

Coach and the Medic exchange looks.

MEDIC: Sit him down for a while, he should be okay. I'll check him over later.

COACH: (helping Carl up) Come on, Jackson, back to base.

The soccer game is continuing. Greg has got the ball, his concern for Carl temporarily suspended.




I wrote a novel - Page 2 Englan11

Between the velvet lies, there's a truth that's hard as steel
The vision never dies, life's a never ending wheel
- R.J.Dio
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Post Sary on Sun 1 Sep - 21:36

I can see how different writing a script is from writing a novel. It seems it would be much more difficult to convey a story, without using a narrative as in a novel.
Are these two scenes from the same script?
I like subject matter of out of body experience and the thread of life.
Thanks for sharing your work with us!




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Post Neon Knight on Wed 4 Sep - 8:43

The two scenes are from the same story but the first one sets up a key element of the plot and that place is not seen again. Once I got used to script format, I found it quite easy to write because I have a good visual imagination.

I always feel embarrassed showing people creative things that I've written. If I had a novel published I probably wouldn't tell everyone about it.




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